My boyfriend, of seven years, is leaving me. No, he’s not cheating on me. He’s moving to America to be with his mom. She moved to the US about six years ago. The two wouldn’t be apart for long. The move was going to happen but unsure if it would happen.
I should back up. As mentioned, we’ve been together for 7 (almost 8) years. We met through a dating website called Fridae. We could only send messages back and forth until we exchanged email addresses for longer posts. We emailed each other for six months before meeting in person. It was slow and maybe the reason why we were able to build up a relationship virtually before meeting in person. It was a great way to learn more about him without the standard questions of an app (Grindr, Jack’d, Scruff). We both are not solely focused on sex; thus, building out the connections between us was easier.
He is in his 20’s going into his 50’s. There are ways he talks and acts, which reminds me of someone more than his age and why he feels older than his age. He is Amazing. We spend quiet nights together without booze, noisy clubs or expensive dinners. There are differences, and they are strong. I am social and crave stimulation by exploring and being out of the house. He is the opposite. We are different but in every way possible he has made me better.
Me — I am a basket case. There are too many issues to count, and too many pages to write and describe. My love has been there to support me in my craziness, my mood swings- my irrationalities and immaturities.
The past few years, as people have moved in and out of Hong Kong, I’ve built my life around him. He is not as social, and thus we came together and stuck together. We traveled extensively together, but he preferred being alone when asked to meet and visit my friends. For us, marriage was out of the question for his visa application.
Also, he needs to know his path. He is in a job and a city which he doesn’t like. There are things he needs to figure out. For me, I know what I want to do and love doing it — most times. I enjoy Hong Kong even through the recent protests and the issues. He needs to learn and discover if America is his home.
Intellectually, I know it’s right to let him go. He wants to go and needs to go. It’ll take two to three years if we marry and do the immigration part. He’ll be in his 30’s while I will be in my 50’s. There is an age gap but hasn’t been an issue.
From experience, I don’t think long distance relationships work. I’ve tried a few, and they don’t work. Also I am not in to sleeping around or having an open relationship. There is time to figure out as it will be around February or March when he may leave.
For now, we’ll enjoy our last few months together. I hope to enjoy the happiness together and keep the memories.
