It’s the first day, and I’m the first one here. It’s no surprise but also feels good. This summer has been hard -> directionless. It’s rained at one point every single day. In between the rain, it’s been 35 C with 99% humidity. It’s been uncomfortable.
There has been a change. The love of my life has moved to America to seek out a better life and will not be coming back. It’s been hard, really hard. I never thought I’d miss someone so much. It hurts, but it’s better for him.
I’ve tried to date, but it hasn’t gone well. The first guy wanted to jump into bed before meeting me. We didn’t. We still talk, but it’s not comfy, and I feel like all he wants is sex while I want something more, but I don’t know what.
The second date was horrible and was entirely my fault. I hadn’t told my date of my situation – my love leaving. Most of the date was me talking about it, then realizing it and talking even more about everything to get out of the situation. It was me spouting off stuff instead of my usual being quiet, listening and learning about the other. I talked because I was uncomfortable. Most of my talk was about me and my love. It was terrible, horrible. I’ve learned through and understand things better.
I’m on the ‘apps’ (Grindr, Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel, Tinder), but the conversations are about cock and balls (Grindr) or no conversations at all unless you pay (Bumble, Coffee..) I have met a few oddly on Instagram and some Grindr, but the first two dates make me shy. Also, I’m not comfortable with the physic – old (48) fat (107kg) white (no canto) and prefer more local (nothing in Soho LKF). If COVID wasn’t around, the options would be wider – hiking, bars, movies, OutinHK and so on but not.
With work coming back, there is something else that I can focus on. It gets back to my purpose -> helping others. I may be one of the few to be happy to be off vacation.
